The Struggle is REAL!

What do you do when God has told you several things but everything you look at in the physical is just going to pieces. I am not gonna lie… I cry, question if it was really God, and then wonder what (I) can do to fix it. I don’t like not having any money.. I don’t like my kids saying they are hungry and all we have is what they have been eating for the last 2 weeks straight because it is the cheapest things we can afford.

When God tells you no more loans… what do you do when you have no money and need to put food in your house? Do you use the credit card and pray that doesn’t go against what He said? Do you continue to allow your family to provide the food even though it is not their job?

We took a huge leap of faith.. this year… But I question how strong is my actual faith when the finances get so low we don’t even have enough for 1 tank of gas.

I prayed for years for God to show me what my oil was… By this I mean what am I talented in that could in turn provide for our family. This year He showed me on the way to work one morning. I then began to research and see what I needed to get that going. I prayed and sought after God to see what to do next.

Right before I quit my job to go full-time Business Owner, God told me no matter what it looks like. Well I trusted Him… or did I?

I continued to pray and then He gave me the direct clear, The Time is Now!

So I put my notice in and quit my job. We were in Business and $8000.00 in debt by this time. The same week I quit my job my husband gets hurt at work. He is then out of his job without pay for a whole week. A Whole WEEK! At this time I am at a small panic.. His job was and is what our bills will be paid with. I can only hear God telling me … No matter what it looks like…. Okay, deep breath….. No matter what it looks like….

We survive that week. My husband returns to work. Placed in a different area he works hard to be the best he can be,… super proud of him by the way…

Now we have been at our business for a little over 3 to 4 weeks. We have only made $140 so far. That is not profit. That is just what we have been able to sell. I struggle to understand what it is we are doing wrong… Our prices are lower than most others and we do the best we can when asked we get our stuff out there as soon as we can. I don’t want to sell worldly things so I have a limited amount of product.

We also decided to home school our children this year due to the public school systems pushing to many things on our children that does not line up with truths or the word of God. I do not want my children to have ungodly beliefs forced upon them. Which is happening more and more every day. I want to be able to teach them truths that are biblical and not be judged for their stand in faith.

The struggle of faith is so real. Do we have what it takes to get through the times of nothing? Can we call upon the name of the Lord and expect Him to do what His word says He will do? Why when you do everything right do we struggle more than normal? Why do we not see the harvest? Why is it so easy to forget that He brings us through when we struggle to get through the next day?

I don’t want to put my kids back in public school… I don’t want to have to go back to a secular job… I don’t want to have to sell what we have to just get by… This is not the promises… This is not what my Word of God says… Why do I struggle to see it come to manifestation? These battles are not for the faint of heart. They are for strong men and women to endure… Am I strong enough?

This blog today is just a reflection on the thoughts we go through as we struggle to have the faith God has measured out to us. I was born for more than this… I was called to more than this… What am I missing in the mist of this trial? Why am I failing this?

I give, for I was born to be a giver.. I am still waiting on the harvest of my seeds. I know that the word says to give and it shall be given unto you. pressed down and shaken together and running over… shall man give unto my bosom.. Where is this? I have been giving for years… Do I have wrong motives? When my life gets to a breaking point is that not the time I am supposed to say okay God… Your word says… Then expect the answer…

I will Seek the Kingdom, and know that you are God! I will wait even when it looks as everything is falling apart. I will kneel knowing that God is still God and He is bigger than anything I face.

Folks the Struggle is Real! Do I question my faith? Yes I do! Do I question my salvation? NO…. I question my ability to stand knowing that God is God and His word will never change….

I question my actual faith? Is it big enough to see…. I am waiting for the growth of my faith to even the size of a mustard seed. With that I can move mountains. 🙂

 

Advertisements

Journey thus Far

After a bout of uncertainty over the first part of the year, life has taken a turn for the better in many ways in the latter.

My wife and I enrolled into Integrity Bible Seminary: she is going for her masters in missions, and I’m working on my associates in theology. By the time we have completed our education we will not have our doctorates: this will help us in our ventures into the ministry field, which is something we desire to be able to do full time.

Four months ago we started our own business, Leap Generation LLC. It has been slow, we think we could have taken a better approach with it. We currently are in the process of revamping the business. We started it with the main purpose of it being a way for us to support being full time missionaries. We don’t believe where we started is wrong, but it would make it more difficult to do while overseas.

One of the things Daddy (God) has began taking us through a period of preparation of training, not in just one area of life but in all aspects of it.

He told us to sell our TVs that they were to much a distraction, to put away ‘childish things’. The training will cover everything from what we eat, drink, do, think, say and much more.

Another part of the process has been to start learning Spanish, which has been fun and interesting to say the least. We picked up two complete (OT & NT) Spanish Bibles: this being the case because of where we feel the Father leading us to go; which are Central and South American regions.

Downsizing: getting less materialistic items for the sake of just getting them, or even to fulfill desires isn’t important to us any longer. Now we weigh things in the scales of calling and Divine purpose. Does what we desire to attain furthering the Kingdom and the Gospel thereof? This is the wisdom that drives us in what we don’t and do acquire in life.

Another one of the things Daddy has really laid strongly on my heart to do is to really buckle down and write a book. This is something I had dabble with in the past but put off doing, then when I picked it back up, Yahveh stopped me from completing it.

I fully believe it wasn’t it wasn’t the right time, nor the right focus on what He wanted it to deal with. But now He has laid it heavily upon my heart to revisit and finish writing this book.

We are both very excited to see where the next three years open up, to where Daddy leads us for His Kingdom!

God is Still in Control!

We have been through a lot the last 2 weeks. Just want to share a few testimonies that God has done for us the last few days.

Last Monday when my husband got off work he went to leave and the van had antifreeze all under the van. He called me thankfully before he drove it. Well I called my dad and he informed me that we should not drive it at all. So I called my husband and told him that I would have to come get him.

This made us go from 2 vehicles down to 1. My husband was a wreck over the whole situations. For some odd reason in this situation I was at complete peace about it. Not once did I question the situation. My parents were leaving town for the week and we were able to get their other vehicle for the week to use.

When my parents got back into town my dad went to get the van. By the end of the day Thursday my Dad texted me and said that it was fixed and ready to be picked up. I asked him what was wrong with it and he said it had broken… I then fully expected for him to tell me how much it was going to cost since he fixed it. I asked him how much it cost and he then informed me that it was still under warranty.

God had given me a complete peace about the whole situation. I knew when it happened that there was nothing we could do about it. For we have put all our finances into our business and have nothing left to fix it. Now we were blessed with this issues being completely taken care of by the Grace of God. It was still under warranty.

God will see us through the trials and what seems like nothing. We will walk this out with our Leap of Faith! He said Leap, that the Time was Now! Now I will Walk in Faith Knowing He is In Control!

God Bless,

Just Have Faith! Leap! Fully Relying On God! 

Leap Of Faith! Just Jump!

We have had a huge amount of activity going on in our home the last few weeks and God has and is still opening doors and opportunities for my family.

I have prayed for years to God for Him to show me what my oil in my house was. I have longed to know what that was. Finally a few weeks ago He revealed to me on my way to work my oil. He now has given prophetic dreams to Dan and showing me things and speaking to me about our situation over the last few weeks.

This Morning He revealed to me that, “The Time is NOW!” I am excited… We have been given a business opportunity that He has directed us to Take our Leap of Faith in.

Just Have Faith! Leap He says Fully Relying on God!

He has revealed to me that in my questioning and seeking His direction an answer that I know He gave. Last week the Lord answered me with a question… What is your desire? My desire has been to own my own company and to be able to make more than enough to support a full-time mission field life style along with giving the money away to those in need. I know that I have been called to the Mission Field since I was 16 years old. I long for the day where I can serve Him in the mission field full time.

Over the years I wondered why He has taken me through so many jobs in so many different areas of job titles. Management, Trainer, Team Lead, Customer Service, Computer IT, Card Services, Tech Support, Accounting, Call Center, Retail, Inventory, Marketing, and many other jobs in the process of life.

At this time I feel that God has taken me down this path for 1 ultimate purpose. That is to be able to handle all the areas of a business. This is my desire.

Another desire that I have had for about that long was to home-school my children. The last few years they also have longed to be home-schooled. This year the Lord has blessed me with the opportunity to be able to home-school both my children.

So in the next 3 weeks, I will be completing one journey to start 2 new ones. I will start blogging again. Come follow us on this New Season and Journey God has began to reveal to us.

 

365 Days of Testimony: Day 17

What a day this has been. Starting early this morning was storms throughout the night. The thunder keep me up most of the night. The blessing that came of that is, I was able to talk to my best friend who is across the world right now in Malawi, Africa serving God. I told her that God spoke and wanted me to be up so I could talk to her. 🙂 His voice is like the thunder.

When I got up and out the door, it was raining, not hard but steady. I dropped the girls off and headed to work. HWY 31 was good. When I turned on the road that leads to my work, it was more of a country road but not gravel. It was still paved. I began to notice that the ditches along this road were full. It was still raining at this time. The lighting was everywhere as well. The further down the road I went the more flooded it became. I thankfully was being good and did not have my phone at this time in my hand. I was watching the sides of the road closely. The water was dirty looking and easy to see. Suddenly I hit water. My Durango jerked to the left all the way in the other lane. I was able to get control of it and get out of the water that was across the road that I did not see. I thanked God instantly and then continued on with my hands at 10 and 2. I don’t think I have ever been so concerned about ending up in a ditch before. As I rounded the corner to work, the road is a curved road and it too was flooded big time. The water was rushing over the road. I paused at first before entering it. I could see this flooding on the road and it concerned me. I was at work basically but didn’t want to get into trouble by crossing the running water. To my knowledge that was the only way into work. I prayed then proceeded slowly to cross the river of running water at this time. God saw me through it.

By the time I has parked and was ready to get out of my vehicle that rain had stopped for the moment I needed to walk outside. 🙂

Once I was on my home I went about my day as usual. I like to tell everyone, “Good Morning” and greet them with a warm smile as much as possible.  This morning I was speaking to one of my JCO’s and telling her about my drive to work… Out of the blue she looked at me and asked me if I prayed… Since I was speaking about my drive to work, I said of course I did… I had misunderstood her. She was asking me if I am a praying person… So she asked me again… Will you pray for me? (In total shock to hear a co-worker come out and ask for prayer from me at this time.) I of course jumped right in and said sure, what do you need prayer for. She said direction.. So we bowed our heads and prayed for direction… It was not an elaborate prayer but I know that the Spirit was moving in that office, I could feel it.  I was thankful that God used me to be a light for this JCO.

Later today I was talking to some of the youth in the hallway. I won’t mention names due to privacy and I don’t want to violate my work policies. We have a lot of changes going on in our work and many workers and youth are being moved around to different homes. I was told yesterday that more than likely that I would be moved off my home. It saddened me but did not steal my joy or discouraged me. I just didn’t know who I would be under as in my supervisor due to my supervisor is to stay on the home we are on now. Anyway the some of the youth that are waiting to move as well were the ones in the hallway. I was talking to them about how we were unsure of when this move was going to take place but that it would been soon. I then was talking how I was going to be moved as well. Then they asked what about (my supervisor) was he going to be moving? I told them not that he was going to stay, unless a miracle of God happened. Then I said there is no miracle to big for God. So that ended our conversation on that.

I went into my office an proceed throughout my work day. I was getting ready to go to lunch when my supervisor came into my office to get some papers off the printer. He said that he had good news. I was like Uh Oh! What now! He said that he thought about it and had decided that he was going to move with me. I asked him if he was for real. He said yes.. then instantly my thoughts go to what I had told the youth in the hallway. Only a miracle would be able to move him. I went to find the youth I had spoke that too. When I found them I asked them what would it take for my supervisor to move to the home I was going to? He said a miracle.. I told him he was right and that God gave me that miracle. I was so happy inside… For I know God has me in this situation at work. Everything will work out according to His purpose. God is Good.

 

365 Days of Testimony: Day 14

I had a dream last night that I want to share some of it with you.

I was traveling with a friend and we were going down this road. When all of the sudden the road ended in a huge lake or river of water. I thought that we were going to drown. We survived but ended up on the other side where we had to learn to survive.

Fast forward through the dream to the end… we were going to be rescued off this island so to speak. But over the years of living on this island we had collected things. Books and other stuff. If any one knows me I love books, I love to buy and collect them. One day I will have a huge library of them.

As this bus came to pick us up to take us to the boat we were to leave in I am trying to collect all my things to be moved.

The people that were in the house were leaving 2 at a time. Till my friend and I were the last two to leave. I still was frantically trying to pack my stuff. My books, everything that i could. The bus arrived to pick us up and the driver got out. I grabbed the first load of things and headed to the bus. I placed a small fold up table and box in the back, while my friend placed a few things as well. I noticed shortly afterward my friend had already boarded the bus. I was still trying to get my stuff packed quicker now. The bus drive came in the house grabbed a few more things and said lets go. I was telling her that I wasn’t ready that I had to get the rest of my stuff. She said no time…. I tried to argue with her…. She loaded in the bus as well. Leaned over and yelled lets go there is no time. As I stood there looking at my stuff and back to the bus… I slowly began to walk towards the bus….

I heard these words,” it is just stuff”

I then woke up. This clearly stayed in my mind as I now laid awake in my bed this morning. God calls us to do something. He wants us to hurry up and obey the directions He has given us. He doesn’t want us to get so attached to just stuff that we struggle to let it go.

In my dream I was struggling very much with the fact that I was going to leave behind my collected things, especially my books.

I realize now that these things are just things and that we can’t take them with us in the end. It is us that God is coming back for not our stuff. He will provide our every need and not let us go without. It is the collection of worldly things that we should not get so attached to that we struggle to move quickly when we are told to.

Lord please help me to be able to put down any worldly thing that you are telling me to leave behind. Please help me not to want to hold onto the things of this world but to seek your Plan and to Trust You will provide the things that I need if I just move when you say move.

God is Good All the Time! He will direct our steps and Jesus will come back for us. We just have to be ready.

365 Days of Testimony: Day 9

It has been a very long but good Monday. Work was good and seemed to go by quickly. After leaving work I had a doctor’s appt that went well too.

My daughter had to show rabbits for the first time today. They didn’t place but she learned alot. I am proud of her.

My oldest daughter will be turning 15 on Sunday and it seems like yesterday she was just born. God gave me this child in the middle of a life style that could have been a bad one. If it wasn’t for my oldest child who God gave to me to raise I am not sure what or where I would today.  Stormy was my turning point and she changed me for the better. I am so blessed to be her mom. I have enjoyed watching her grow up but I don’t want the last few years of school to go to quickly.

I know that God is going to use her in a mighty way for His Kingdom. She has always had a servant’s heart and the
courage of a mighty warrior. She will be on the front lines on the battle field. She will do might things for God.

I am Blessed to be trusted with such a treasure of Abba’s.

Excited to see His plan unfold for her.

365 Days of Testimony: Day 6

It has been a very long day but a Blessed Day. I went in to work very early in order to finish my 40 hours. I left early Wednesday due to not feeling well. I am blessed that I am able to make up my time.

I had a blessing that one of my co-workers took me to lunch today. I am grateful that Daddy lets me have not only favor with Him, (I am Daddy’s Favorite 😀 ) but also having favor with the people I work with. I had done a things for my co-workers this week to help them get stuff filed and in order. I try to do what I can to help my team succeed in running the home we work on. I was in return rewarded for my hard work and help by being taken to lunch today.

I know that no matter what lies ahead God will be in-control. Earlier this week I was walking back to my dorm. I had walked all over campus that day and I was tired. I began to think about cutting across the grass to make my trip shorter. A short cut so to say. When I began to think that God doesn’t want us taking short cuts to get what He has already promised us. He wants us to trust Him and His timing. It is when we get off course and try to take another route that we end up harming ourselves in the long run.

Yes, I was tired… yes I had made this walk several times already that day…. just a few more steps and I would be able to sit down for who knows how long…. BUT …. if I were to take the short cut then it would be cutting me short of extra steps. Which these extra physical steps would help me with my physical body and goals I am trying to personally reach. If I took the short cut then it would not have benefited me in a physical way.

Sometimes we want to take the short cuts in life because we grow weary and we just want to sit down. But if we stand and know that He is God and faint not but continue the path. Then the Plans He has for us will manifest in His and the perfect timing for our lives. It will bless us more than we could imagine. God is good, all the time. All the time, God is good! This is so true. I am excited to see where God is going to take me over the next 358 more days and how this will draw me closer to Him.

It is not always easy to see the blessings, favor, mercy, and grace our Abba extends us. But in searching for these things we began to see How Abba loves us not matter what. If we look deep enough and hard enough there is always something that we can be excited about that Abba has done for us. I share these testimonies with you in order to build our faith and trust in God more and more every day.

God Bless!

Faithful

What does this word mean when you think of it? Who is this word talking about or to? For me as a Christian the word faithful usually means that God is faithful to us. That He will never leave us nor forsake us no matter what we go through.

But….

There is another way of looking at this….. It is true God will always be faithful to us.. but will we as believers be faithful to Him in return? Will we faithfully follow Him? Will we stay faithful to our life styles?

The meaning from the Merriam-Webster Dictionary is

Faithful:

  1. having or showing true and constant support or loyalty

2. deserving trust: keeping your promises or doing hat you are supposed to do

3. not having sex with someone who is not your wife or husband.

With looking at this worldly definition we see that being faithful is truly a committed word. Are we being committed to our Lord and Savior? Are we true and constant with His Words and Truth? Are we loyal and giving the deserving trust to Him, knowing He is constant and faithful to us?

We are also the body of Christ. Are we being faithful to Him and not laying with the Enemy? Are you getting intimate with Satan?

We are to be have a relationship, intimacy, loyalty, and faithfulness to the one who created us and who sent His Son to die for us.

As I got up Friday morning I began to think of a word for the day. God laid on my heart Faithful. Instantly my thoughts went to Him being faithful to us… but that was quickly corrected… He said no… Faithful is not Me being faithful to you, but you bring faithful to Me. I was like okay….. I will focus on my faithfulness to my Lord.

This was before I got up out of my bed. I then rolled over got up and started my day. When I walked out of my room to check on the girls to see if they were getting ready for school….. I then very quickly realized why He gave me that word. As I turned my head to the right of me there my husband sat…..

He left for work at 4am… Now he sat before me at 6:30am….. Why?

He had gotten hurt at work the day before and when he went to work Friday morning he was sent home due to telling them first thing in the morning that he possibly got hurt at work the afternoon before. He (my husband) was trying to do the right thing. He reported an injury to try to follow the rules of this work place. They sent him home.

On the way to work I told God…. I can not handle any more…. I had just lost my job 2 week prior to this…. We have struggled over the last 8 months financially. Every time we are blessed enough to get out of our financial hole we get knocked back down and have to start again.

As the day progressed my job started concerning me for I have been there 2 week and the amount of information I have to learn is overwhelming. I am good at learning new things but being expected to know everything from day one with no training is hard or nothing to look at to know what way to go…

I had something I knew how to do but when I asked just one simple question it was turned around on me like I didn’t know what I was doing.. But I did. I just needed to know what account they wanted it to go under.

By the time lunch time rolled around I was feeling very defeated along with overwhelming pressure that I was not fast enough or learning what needed to be done good enough.

TO BE HONEST I WAS READY TO QUIT!!!

So as I head to lunch my husband meets up with me and tells me that they fired him from his job due to not reporting the possible injury when it actually happened even though he was unaware of it happening.

I was an emotional wreak by this time… I was ready to break down and fall apart… But this is where that word of the day Faithful Friday. I was and am supposed to be faithful to Him no matter what. I am to faithfully stand for my life that it is blessed and highly favored. That my plans are already planned out for me. That He is incharge  of my destiny and He wants to see if I will be faithful to Him no matter what is before me.

He provided manna and quail for those who were hungry. He provided water from a rock more than once. He also provided money to pay the taxes out of the mouths of Fish.

I need to be faithful to God in my belief in Him and His promises and truth….

 

Don’t Forget that we too are to be Faithful as well…. 

Like a Child

The Lord revealed to me some things the other night as we were worshiping Him. Since I am a mother myself the Lord showed me an example of what He wanted me to understand by using my own situation as a parent with my kids.

I have always enjoyed giving my kids things that they would enjoy. Like taking them somewhere that was unexpected. To me the surprise that awaited them at the end of the car ride was always the best…. Keeping it a surprise was hard.

I would make plans for my children and not tell them of those plans. I will make reservations online and print out the tickets. I will set time and money aside to go eat some place special. I will get all the plans in order before even uttering a word.

After all the plans are set in order I will tell them when the time is right to get prepared for we were fixing to leave. If this trip required any special clothing such as shoes or long pants I would make sure those instructions were given. Other than that no other information would be given.

I would tell them to get in the car…. When my oldest was little she would ask me questions. Where are we going? What are we doing? When will we be there? All these questions were good questions but not for her to know. She would have to trust that I knew the plans and that she would soon find out, but it would be a process. These plans were not for her to be concerned about.

As she has grown to know the process over time. She has learned that if she will follow the directions at the beginning of the trip and then sit quietly that reward will soon be before her. She has learned to get in, sit down, and buckle up… without questioning the plans. Even though she doesn’t see the plans or end results. She has learned to trust the process in me as her parent. For the plans I have made for her were not to harm her but to show her what was to come…….

Yes this is like the verse Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (NKJV)

Since my oldest daughter has learned how the process of trusting me when I say let’s go she has taught my youngest daughter that if she just follows the directions and sits quietly in the car then she would get the reward in the end without delay.

I say all of this because the Lord is taking my family through a time of follow the instructions, get in, buckle up, sit back, shut up, and enjoy the ride.

He wants us to trust in His plans that He has for us. Not to questions or try to fight the instructions of how it should happen. For He doesn’t always give us the plans for He wants to surprise us. For He is a Good Father and wants us to enjoy what is coming. The Lord knows the Plans He has for us. He wants us to just Trust in Him and not question the process but to enjoy the ride.

So even though I don’t know the plans that lie before me, my Daddy does. I am not to try to figure it all out. I am not to try to figure out where we are going, what we are doing, or how it is going to all fit together. I am to trust in my Daddy that He knows the Plans for me. One step at a time. He will give me instructions of what is needed for what lies ahead but the rest is not for me to know. He wants me to sit back and enjoy the ride while trusting Him.

ENJOY THE RIDE!!

Yates1