What do you do when God has told you several things but everything you look at in the physical is just going to pieces. I am not gonna lie… I cry, question if it was really God, and then wonder what (I) can do to fix it. I don’t like not having any money.. I don’t like my kids saying they are hungry and all we have is what they have been eating for the last 2 weeks straight because it is the cheapest things we can afford.
When God tells you no more loans… what do you do when you have no money and need to put food in your house? Do you use the credit card and pray that doesn’t go against what He said? Do you continue to allow your family to provide the food even though it is not their job?
We took a huge leap of faith.. this year… But I question how strong is my actual faith when the finances get so low we don’t even have enough for 1 tank of gas.
I prayed for years for God to show me what my oil was… By this I mean what am I talented in that could in turn provide for our family. This year He showed me on the way to work one morning. I then began to research and see what I needed to get that going. I prayed and sought after God to see what to do next.
Right before I quit my job to go full-time Business Owner, God told me no matter what it looks like. Well I trusted Him… or did I?
I continued to pray and then He gave me the direct clear, The Time is Now!
So I put my notice in and quit my job. We were in Business and $8000.00 in debt by this time. The same week I quit my job my husband gets hurt at work. He is then out of his job without pay for a whole week. A Whole WEEK! At this time I am at a small panic.. His job was and is what our bills will be paid with. I can only hear God telling me … No matter what it looks like…. Okay, deep breath….. No matter what it looks like….
We survive that week. My husband returns to work. Placed in a different area he works hard to be the best he can be,… super proud of him by the way…
Now we have been at our business for a little over 3 to 4 weeks. We have only made $140 so far. That is not profit. That is just what we have been able to sell. I struggle to understand what it is we are doing wrong… Our prices are lower than most others and we do the best we can when asked we get our stuff out there as soon as we can. I don’t want to sell worldly things so I have a limited amount of product.
We also decided to home school our children this year due to the public school systems pushing to many things on our children that does not line up with truths or the word of God. I do not want my children to have ungodly beliefs forced upon them. Which is happening more and more every day. I want to be able to teach them truths that are biblical and not be judged for their stand in faith.
The struggle of faith is so real. Do we have what it takes to get through the times of nothing? Can we call upon the name of the Lord and expect Him to do what His word says He will do? Why when you do everything right do we struggle more than normal? Why do we not see the harvest? Why is it so easy to forget that He brings us through when we struggle to get through the next day?
I don’t want to put my kids back in public school… I don’t want to have to go back to a secular job… I don’t want to have to sell what we have to just get by… This is not the promises… This is not what my Word of God says… Why do I struggle to see it come to manifestation? These battles are not for the faint of heart. They are for strong men and women to endure… Am I strong enough?
This blog today is just a reflection on the thoughts we go through as we struggle to have the faith God has measured out to us. I was born for more than this… I was called to more than this… What am I missing in the mist of this trial? Why am I failing this?
I give, for I was born to be a giver.. I am still waiting on the harvest of my seeds. I know that the word says to give and it shall be given unto you. pressed down and shaken together and running over… shall man give unto my bosom.. Where is this? I have been giving for years… Do I have wrong motives? When my life gets to a breaking point is that not the time I am supposed to say okay God… Your word says… Then expect the answer…
I will Seek the Kingdom, and know that you are God! I will wait even when it looks as everything is falling apart. I will kneel knowing that God is still God and He is bigger than anything I face.
Folks the Struggle is Real! Do I question my faith? Yes I do! Do I question my salvation? NO…. I question my ability to stand knowing that God is God and His word will never change….
I question my actual faith? Is it big enough to see…. I am waiting for the growth of my faith to even the size of a mustard seed. With that I can move mountains. 🙂