As I walk daily in my life and begin to look around at others and their lives as well. I see how God has intertwined our paths along the way. I see people light up with smiles on their faces when I walk their way. I always tell people Good Morning, Good Afternoon, or Good Evening! I leave a smile for everyone to behold as I walk past them. I speak positive when they have negative to say. I try to let God’s light shine through me where ever I go.

I have been able to do this with ease without any problems, except…. one person , just one has me really trying to see why it is so hard for me to look past the negative and try to find the positive in this situation. I really truly feel like I have not sinned but really have had issues with being the light to one person I work with.

I was just recently moved at my job to take over another person’s position due to them moving to another position as well. I am now responsible for running the clerk duties on my new home with ease and getting ready for audits in less than 7 weeks.

Once I got back from my 5 days I took to spend with my husband out of state and returned to work. I was greeted with smiles, hugs, and we missed you… glad you are back.

I went to my new assigned place and wanted to start getting to work. For I knew the task ahead would be great. I had a delay. After my training I attended, about professional communication, that morning I needed to be able to get in my office and start working right away.

This is where my problem started with this person… Before I left Texas on April 18, 2017 we had a clerk meeting and it was asked if she would have all of her stuff done by April 25th, for when I returned that office would no longer be her office but my office. I waited patiently for her to leave and she would not. She busied herself with things that did not matter. Things that was just to stall. I decided that I would go to lunch with hopes of an empty office when I returned. Nope…. She was gone but I was unable to get on the computer because you guessed it, she locked it with her being still on the computer. I waited 30 minutes…..45 minutes…..1 hour…. I told the supervisor that she was still gone. (She told him she had to pick up a warehouse order, that would have taken like no more than 20 minutes max) So he came and restarted the computer and I was finally able to get on my computer for the first time that day but it was already 3:00 pm. I was able to get just one email actually read…. She had returned…. She kept going on and on about inventory which is something that clerks do not do on the home that is JCO’s job. I listened patiently and tried to be nice…. all the while wanting her to leave so I could get something done. By the end of that day I had accomplished nothing and felt like I had been there but not really there.

The next day…. I was able to get some things done…. but she was back…. going through what we call master files and moving up to 20 out of the cabinets. I just continued to work to get some of the everyday things we use in order. Around 4pm I noticed that she never returned to make sure the 20 master files were put away or sent off the home. I told the JCO VI that she needed to come move the files to where they were suppose to be. Well that did not happen. 15 minutes till time to go home, I am putting master files back in the cabinets behind locked files. I just wanted to go home by 5. The next day I was able to get things done.

I find myself, having the hardest time showing the Love of Christ to this person and I don’t know why. I am not rude to her… I am not mean… but I feel like I talk about her when I should not…. yes I am not perfect and yes I have a hard time dealing with this issue. …. I find that she has not done any of her clerk work over the last 4 months…. Which as all now fallen on my shoulders and made my burden very heavy… I have been on my new dorm for 5 days now. I work long hours and busy all day long. I have not even taken lunch the last 2 days. At the end of the day I personally feel like I have accomplished nothing…. I know that I am making progress but still… I feel like I have done nothing.

I am not sharing all this to complain… I know with the details in this blog it shows that my complaints are great with this one person.. and to be honest… they have been. I am not sure what I need to do… I made the statement several times that I was going to stop talking about it and ragging on her not doing anything in the clerk position…

I personally feel ashamed that I have behaved the way I have. I know that I am human, I make mistakes as well. I know that I am not being the christian person I profess to be when I do this. This is not the first time I have felt like I have not been handling the situation with this lady correctly.

In the bible Jesus was speaking to Peter when he asked Jesus about forgiveness….

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?” 22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven timesbut seventy-seven times!                        Matt 18:22

I feel that I am holding the extra work that was created for me against this person.. I feel like I am sinning with frustration and anger over the fact that she has not done what she said she was going to do. I need to forgive her and pray she will forgive me for holding this against her.

She probably will not understand me going to her and letting her know that I need forgiveness for feeling this way, but I feel like in order for me to stop with the negative connection, I have too. I don’t want the Love of Christ and the Light of His Goodness be snuffed out by this one issue. I want to be humble enough to say I am sorry and I am wrong for being and acting that way towards her. And, that I am sorry for sharing my feelings about what she has done with everyone I talk too because I am so frustrated and stressed over the situation that lies before me.

Once I ask for her forgiveness on it I pray that the Light of God and His Goodness will Shine through me once again without any hindrances.

Some of you might wonder how this blog fits in with testimonies…

You see, in order to be forgiven you must forgive. I for one am grateful that I know when something does not seem right within my walk with Christ. I am learning of course more and more everyday. I know that once I do my part… (asking forgiveness of this one lady, and then shutting my mouth about it from now on) God will handle the rest. I honestly don’t want to be the nagging and complaining clerk.. which I have been for the last week…

When I found out that I was being moved I knew this was going to happen.. I made the mistake and did not choose to walk in the Joy of the Lord, through it all. I have to get my Joy back…. (Jesus On You) and walk through this with a rejoicing heart… (I have a good job and I like my job) It may be hard or stressful right now but it will work out for the better. What satan tries to harm me with, God will turn it around for good. I will restore my walk and know that it is only by His grace that I am able to know that I have treated her wrong. Know what I have done is not the way to act and handle things that frustrate and anger you. Take it to God, keep quiet, and remember your Joy.

This is the day that the Lord has made, I will (choose) to rejoice and be glad in it!

This is a choice! Choose wisely, whom shall you serve?

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