As we come to the end of this week I reflect on what God has shown us in many areas of our struggles the last 2 weeks.
We, my husband and I, have been so caught up in our own problems and issues with life we have been neglecting on of the most important ministries the Lord has entrusted us with first and foremost.
This ministry is inside the 4 walls of our home. Our family, husband, wife, and we can not forget our children.
We are parents first off, and if we are so caught up in the business of life helping others, and not our children then we are failing our mission field.
We were reminded this week just how important it is as Christian parents not to forget and leave our children behind while we focus on doing the calling on our lives.
Over the last two weeks as a wife and mother of 2 girls I have had many issues dealing with my husband and oldest child. Dealing with sickness, work issues, and school issues. I personally felt like I was never going to get a break between the two of them.
My husband would go to work and then within an hour I would receive text messages either about how horrible his job is and how he could not wait to get away from that place or that he was having physical issues and needed to either come home or go to the doctor.
I would take my oldest daughter to school and within an hour or two she also would start to text me about issues at her school, telling me how she hates school and wants to come home.
This has gone on for the last 2 weeks of our lives. For me as a wife and mother, I just wanted to escape the constant issues of negative in our lives. I have constantly tried to encourage both my husband and oldest to think of their situations in life differently. To be honest it was not looking any better.
Tuesday night as I lay in my bed, I heard the Lord clearly speak to me and tell me that my youngest daughter felt invisible. She has gone in life the last I honestly can not say feeling invisible. Like no matter what she does is being seen. She never has issues. She makes straight A’s, reads books, plays well with others, and is never in trouble in school.
Thursday evening at the dinner table, my youngest daughter was bragging about having wi-fi on her tablet and that her older sister was not allowed to have wifi on her phone. With this provoking my oldest daughter replied that her little sister had been watching videos on YouTube at her grandparent’s house that was not appropriate.
Immediately my heart sank. My youngest daughter is 8, she should first of all not have access to videos that were inappropriate.
It was odd because yesterday morning I had picked up my youngest daughter’s tablet and looked on the YouTube, but the wi-fi was not on so I just put the tablet back down. I know that the tablet was signed into my youtube account. I immediately looked on my youtube account off my phone the watch list history. I could not find anything. I felt that it was odd that her sister called her out but nothing was showing. Since I did not have the tablet I started to look at my youtube account. I then realized that I had 2 youtube accounts. As soon as I clicked on the other account I had seen what my daughter was watching.
At first glance it looked so innocent, but it was not innocent at all. Each video was less than 5 minutes. Just at first glance you see videos of Elsa and Anna, Barbie, and other cartoon like videos that looked cute. Something that would attract the attention of an 8-year-old little girl. One that watches all the princess stories, Barbie stories, my little pony… and such. But with further review and closer look at the videos that is not at all what my 8 year old had been lured into watching. At first they were innocent videos. Then she began to click on videos of her favorite characters in the stores that had them pregnant and having babies. You think okay that is still innocent but not these videos. Soon they progressed into how the characters were getting pregnant…. and then scenes of the characters in labor. Then as I began to review further into the history I saw videos of 10 year olds pregnant, and gay couples having a baby. and then a gay man with the words in the black box that said censored on it with the title gay man gives birth. But by this time this was no longer a cartoon but a real human in the video. To be honest this was repulsive that my 8 year old child had been lured in by her favorite characters of a movie and sick minded people have created cartoons that were very sick in the head and almost pornographic, very inappropriate for an adult to watch much more an 8 year old little girl.
I instantly removed all privileges of electronics from my youngest daughter. She is not even allowed to watch TV without an adult that we trust watching what she has her eyes on.
As I sat and washed my dishes at my sink this afternoon, I felt an old feeling of shame come on me. I was abused as a child and I remember being around that age and was punished by my grandmother for something my abuser had me do, but because my grandmother had walked in the room my cousin turned it around on my and my grandmother scolded me for it. From that time on the things that I should have been spoken to about why it was wrong and why it was not okay to act or do what was being done was not done. I instead was scolded, punished, and shamed for what was done.
Which as a child I was scared into the belief that it was my fault and that I was in the wrong. When honestly I had been abused for a few years and to be this was okay I thought until my grandmother punished and shamed me for it. So after that, nothing was brought out to the open. I continued to be abused by this person but now I keep the abuse hidden and never said anything about it going on.
This opened a door to a realm of many more years of abuse for not only me but others. I was accused of being the bad child and not at the time knowing any better. I just knew that I was shamed for it, even though I just did what I was being told.
I say all this about my history as a child of that age because God showed me something about my daughter. I could punish and shame her and leave it at that. Which in turn would just cause her to do as I did at that age. Start keeping something so important to be put into the light in the darkness from that point on, until someone noticed it was something so much more.
God reminded me in this situation how important it is to not leave my child in the hands of the enemy. That I need to in love teach her, teach her why it was wrong, and how it can affect her as a person and how it will destroy her life if it continues. But ultimately how she as a child needs to be forgiven and lovingly shown the truths behind the deception of the videos she was watching and how it baits her heart and mind to do things that she should not do. It robs her of her innocent child hood.
I as a mother who realizes my first mission field is my home now confesses that I have been neglecting my family and will not leave or forget them any more. For we as parents are supposed to, Train up a child in the way that they should go so when they grow old they will not part from it.
This is done with teaching them all things and being a loving and forgiving parent and showing them the truths of wrong and right. Not to just punish and shame and never explaining what it is that she did and how to fix the issue.
I know this is a very long blog and if you have read to this part thank you. We are a family that has taken the step of Just Have Faith Leap. We are also children of God who at times messes up and He too has to lovingly correct us and show us how it affects our lives so that we too can become stronger at resisting the enemy that is out to get our minds, bodies, and souls. God wants us to not forget the children in our presence every day. Don’t leave them behind to live in the world to die, instead teach them to die to this world to live for Christ.
As for me and my family we will serve the Lord.
I will focus on my mission field of my family. Thanks for following us and being real with us through our struggles and victories.