I finally feel a release over me. I have been carrying a very heavy load on my shoulders I have felt for a few weeks. Finally I fell that I can Rest in God. I have let it all go and given it to Him.
I am going to Praise Him in the situation any how. Last night my pastor spoke on Hallelujah Any How. No matter the situation we are to give God the glory and honor and praise for the end results no matter what we are facing. We are not supposed to get in a whiny state and negative state.
We are to continue to have faith in the one who created all things. We are to speak of the testimonies of His goodness.
I know that every situation that has come up in the last month is already worked out. His plans are greater than our plans. His ways higher than our ways; His thoughts higher than our thoughts.
I do know that I have to continue to get in His Word and seek Him daily. For we have to renew our mind with His Word daily. The Holy Spirit will teach us all things and help us when we don’t know what to do.
I am grateful for where He has me in like. I am going to sing and shout
It has been a really rough l;11ast month. I have been able to let go of some things, but there is still other things that I have been struggling with still this week.
Finances are one of the worse issues to worry about. I know in the worldly system we live by says that we have to make very little and struggle from pay check to pay check.
To me as a mother, and wife that is not working right now it is hard to look at our finances and think that it is okay. This week alone we have has 2 doctor appointments that have cost us over 180 alone, then one of the medicines was 40. Plus the gas back and forth. When the check that came in to the home last week was under 300 it is hard to see how to get everything paid. To be honest it won’t pay all the bills and every thing else.
I am faithful in giving my tithe to God so I know that He will provide no matter what but to have that faith when everything in the human mind-set says otherwise is one of the hardest things to do. This is why we are to have faith…
Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1
I have to remind myself of this. Faith is the substance of things hoped for…. the evidence of things not seen….
I don’t see it but I know it is there and soon will manifest in the realm here and now. I trust that God will see us through this time. Even though it is difficult not to just jump up and go fix the problem myself I am putting my faith in Him. For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11
I have to remind myself to stand on these promises that He has given me when everything seems to be going in the opposite direction in life.
8.For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. 9.For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. 10.For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: 11.So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
I will choose to trust the Lord even when everything else seems to be going in the wrong direction for us. We will persevere to the end.
As we come to the end of this week I reflect on what God has shown us in many areas of our struggles the last 2 weeks.
We, my husband and I, have been so caught up in our own problems and issues with life we have been neglecting on of the most important ministries the Lord has entrusted us with first and foremost.
This ministry is inside the 4 walls of our home. Our family, husband, wife, and we can not forget our children.
We are parents first off, and if we are so caught up in the business of life helping others, and not our children then we are failing our mission field.
We were reminded this week just how important it is as Christian parents not to forget and leave our children behind while we focus on doing the calling on our lives.
Over the last two weeks as a wife and mother of 2 girls I have had many issues dealing with my husband and oldest child. Dealing with sickness, work issues, and school issues. I personally felt like I was never going to get a break between the two of them.
My husband would go to work and then within an hour I would receive text messages either about how horrible his job is and how he could not wait to get away from that place or that he was having physical issues and needed to either come home or go to the doctor.
I would take my oldest daughter to school and within an hour or two she also would start to text me about issues at her school, telling me how she hates school and wants to come home.
This has gone on for the last 2 weeks of our lives. For me as a wife and mother, I just wanted to escape the constant issues of negative in our lives. I have constantly tried to encourage both my husband and oldest to think of their situations in life differently. To be honest it was not looking any better.
Tuesday night as I lay in my bed, I heard the Lord clearly speak to me and tell me that my youngest daughter felt invisible. She has gone in life the last I honestly can not say feeling invisible. Like no matter what she does is being seen. She never has issues. She makes straight A’s, reads books, plays well with others, and is never in trouble in school.
Thursday evening at the dinner table, my youngest daughter was bragging about having wi-fi on her tablet and that her older sister was not allowed to have wifi on her phone. With this provoking my oldest daughter replied that her little sister had been watching videos on YouTube at her grandparent’s house that was not appropriate.
Immediately my heart sank. My youngest daughter is 8, she should first of all not have access to videos that were inappropriate.
It was odd because yesterday morning I had picked up my youngest daughter’s tablet and looked on the YouTube, but the wi-fi was not on so I just put the tablet back down. I know that the tablet was signed into my youtube account. I immediately looked on my youtube account off my phone the watch list history. I could not find anything. I felt that it was odd that her sister called her out but nothing was showing. Since I did not have the tablet I started to look at my youtube account. I then realized that I had 2 youtube accounts. As soon as I clicked on the other account I had seen what my daughter was watching.
At first glance it looked so innocent, but it was not innocent at all. Each video was less than 5 minutes. Just at first glance you see videos of Elsa and Anna, Barbie, and other cartoon like videos that looked cute. Something that would attract the attention of an 8-year-old little girl. One that watches all the princess stories, Barbie stories, my little pony… and such. But with further review and closer look at the videos that is not at all what my 8 year old had been lured into watching. At first they were innocent videos. Then she began to click on videos of her favorite characters in the stores that had them pregnant and having babies. You think okay that is still innocent but not these videos. Soon they progressed into how the characters were getting pregnant…. and then scenes of the characters in labor. Then as I began to review further into the history I saw videos of 10 year olds pregnant, and gay couples having a baby. and then a gay man with the words in the black box that said censored on it with the title gay man gives birth. But by this time this was no longer a cartoon but a real human in the video. To be honest this was repulsive that my 8 year old child had been lured in by her favorite characters of a movie and sick minded people have created cartoons that were very sick in the head and almost pornographic, very inappropriate for an adult to watch much more an 8 year old little girl.
I instantly removed all privileges of electronics from my youngest daughter. She is not even allowed to watch TV without an adult that we trust watching what she has her eyes on.
As I sat and washed my dishes at my sink this afternoon, I felt an old feeling of shame come on me. I was abused as a child and I remember being around that age and was punished by my grandmother for something my abuser had me do, but because my grandmother had walked in the room my cousin turned it around on my and my grandmother scolded me for it. From that time on the things that I should have been spoken to about why it was wrong and why it was not okay to act or do what was being done was not done. I instead was scolded, punished, and shamed for what was done.
Which as a child I was scared into the belief that it was my fault and that I was in the wrong. When honestly I had been abused for a few years and to be this was okay I thought until my grandmother punished and shamed me for it. So after that, nothing was brought out to the open. I continued to be abused by this person but now I keep the abuse hidden and never said anything about it going on.
This opened a door to a realm of many more years of abuse for not only me but others. I was accused of being the bad child and not at the time knowing any better. I just knew that I was shamed for it, even though I just did what I was being told.
I say all this about my history as a child of that age because God showed me something about my daughter. I could punish and shame her and leave it at that. Which in turn would just cause her to do as I did at that age. Start keeping something so important to be put into the light in the darkness from that point on, until someone noticed it was something so much more.
God reminded me in this situation how important it is to not leave my child in the hands of the enemy. That I need to in love teach her, teach her why it was wrong, and how it can affect her as a person and how it will destroy her life if it continues. But ultimately how she as a child needs to be forgiven and lovingly shown the truths behind the deception of the videos she was watching and how it baits her heart and mind to do things that she should not do. It robs her of her innocent child hood.
I as a mother who realizes my first mission field is my home now confesses that I have been neglecting my family and will not leave or forget them any more. For we as parents are supposed to, Train up a child in the way that they should go so when they grow old they will not part from it.
This is done with teaching them all things and being a loving and forgiving parent and showing them the truths of wrong and right. Not to just punish and shame and never explaining what it is that she did and how to fix the issue.
I know this is a very long blog and if you have read to this part thank you. We are a family that has taken the step of Just Have Faith Leap. We are also children of God who at times messes up and He too has to lovingly correct us and show us how it affects our lives so that we too can become stronger at resisting the enemy that is out to get our minds, bodies, and souls. God wants us to not forget the children in our presence every day. Don’t leave them behind to live in the world to die, instead teach them to die to this world to live for Christ.
As for me and my family we will serve the Lord.
I will focus on my mission field of my family. Thanks for following us and being real with us through our struggles and victories.
Spiritually, Physically, Financially, and Emotionally struggling for the last 2 weeks of my life. I honestly know who I am in Christ. I know that I am a tither and a giver. I love to help others and encourage them along the way.
The last 2 weeks has me really questioning my decisions in life. I know that I hear from God for I have heard His voice over and over again. I am not sure if I have stepped out in faith to quickly or if I am just where He wants me to be. I know that He told me all the doors were open and that He would provide our every need.
The question is did I walk through the right door?
I have another hard decision to make very soon within the next 5 1/2 weeks. We want to move but actually not sure if that is what God wants us to do is another issue. I have been looking but everything cost so much. In our situation now it is a struggle. I know that is not what the promises of God tell me. I feel like I have to once again continue to seek the Kingdom of God and how it works.
It is not a one hours study or even a week study but it is a life style. Seeking ye First the Kingdom of God and His righteousness.
Earnestly pray for me and my family as we once again go to the throne room and seek the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness.
Are spiritual battles real? Are we as Christians supposed to battle? How can we be attacked so strongly even when we know who we are in Christ?
Yes spiritual battles are real and we can have them every day of our Christian lives. We have to learn how the Kingdom of God works to win these battles.
I am just going to be very real here and honest. I battle spiritually that can even cause my physical body to be affected in such a way that it is even scary.
We are not supposed to fear the enemy… I know this because I am a bought with a price. That price was Jesus’ blood.
I will admit that I had a great fear come over me last night when I was asleep. I had a dream that actually woke me up with fear and my physical body was affected. My heart was racing and I could not get the image I had just seen in my dream out of my head. It was a demonic attack.
I had a dream where it was late at night and my youngest daughter and I were heading home. We had passed this house that I saw some young kids still up. I knew these kids personally and knew that they should have been in bed long ago… They were playing in the house. This registered in me that something needed to be done, for these kids needed to be put to bed.
As my youngest daughter and I had reached the house we lived it. It was a white house with a front porch. As we entered the house I remember stopping and looking back outside out the screen door. I was going to head back and get the kids I knew and put them to bed.
As I turned around it appeared to be a child standing in the yard with their back to me. They had a hoodie that was solid red but a blue hood part. For some odd reason as I began to run toward the figure before me and holler at it. When it turned around is when I saw its demonic face. It was a demon that then turned towards me and started towards me.
This is when I woke up with my heart racing… I could not go back to sleep for a very long time after this. I rebuked the vision, thoughts, and feeling. I told this thing it had to leave. No weapon formed against me shall prosper. Greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world. I released Angels charge concerning me and everyone in my home. Nothing I did at this time made the thing or feeling go away. My heart was still racing and the fear of the attack was real. I got out of my bed and went to the bathroom. Hoping when I laid back down my husband would ask me if I was okay. Something he ask me every night I go to the bathroom. This morning he didn’t say a word.I have be battling a cough as well and I was coughing by now enough to make him once again ask if I was okay, But still nothing…. I then search for his hand. Finally being able to find it I held it with both of mine, I thought surly he would wake up and ask me if I was okay. I then turned over in the bed. I prayed for him just to get closer and wrap his arms around me.
I was wanting the security, wanting to feel safe. Knowing that I had been attacked and nothing I seemed to do was making it leave. I finally just laid there and thought what else do I do. I had done everything that I had been taught to do but nothing seemed to help.
My last resort was to pray in the spirit. I began to pray in the spirit, this woke my husband or at least stirred him enough to know something was wrong. He never said a word, but I know he did reach his hand out and place it on my shoulder and he began to start praying. It was not over what I was dealing with but I knew he was praying. After I finished praying in the spirit I was finally able to get over the heart racing fear that had so gripped my body and mind just an hour before.
I don’t make this post to put fear into anyone. I make this post in search of answers as to how we as Children of God are supposed to battle the spiritual realm in the Kingdom of God. Once again it is another question I seek out to find the answer too.
Well my time with the Father this morning was interesting. I wanted to study more on the Kingdom of God.
What is it? Where is it? How does it affect me? How do I live by the Kingdom? What are the laws to the Kingdom? Where do I find this Kingdom?
I just began this study so I don’t have a whole lot.
But one of the scriptures that the Lord has placed on my heart this week to really study is Matt 6:33, “Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you.”
That verse does not say seek God first…. It says seek the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. I have known this scripture for a long time and quote it often… But I have always thought or applied it in my like as I was to seek God’s council in everything I do.
But I for the first time in my life this week see that is not what this scripture is telling me to do. It is Telling me to seek ye first the Kingdom of God……
So what is the Kingdom of God?
Luke 17:20-21 tells us that the Kingdom of God is within us.
20 And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation: 21 Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you.
So here we see that Jesus told the Pharisees that the Kingdom of God is within you. (us).
While pondering on this scripture which I don’t have all the answers yet but it makes me wonder if the Kingdom of God is within us all?
I understand that the Tree of Life version says it this way, “20 Now when Yeshua was asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, He answered them and said, “The kingdom of God does not come with signs to be seen. 21 Nor will they say, ‘Look, here!’ or ‘There!’ For behold, the kingdom of God is in your midst.'”
So here we see that the Kingdom of God is in their midst. Jesus brought the Kingdom of God to the earth, with the Holy Spirit. Jesus spoke that the kingdom was in their midst.
I fully believe that Jesus is the key to the kingdom. He is the door way and has the key now for all of us to enter that kingdom.
I am by far not done with this study. I have just scratched the surface and it was not even scratched deeply. I am excited to seek first the Kingdom of God. I am excited to find what this Kingdom is all about.
So this morning I went to Starbucks to spend some time in the word….
I began my morning by reading some notes I had from January about how the Lord was sifting His people.
I ended up in John 10 somehow. As I began to read the scriptures I began to ponder on what they were saying. What it was truly saying. Not what I had been taught as a child to believe.
I have quoted John 10:10 over and over again as, “Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy.”
But, to tell the truth this is not what the scripture says or what it means. The scripture actually says, “10 The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.”
We have been taught that Satan is the thief, but that is not what this scripture was pertaining to. The thief or robber is anyone that comes to the Father in anyway except through the door. The door is Jesus. He is the door to the sheep that allows them to come to the Father.
If anyone tries to get to the Father in any other way, besides Jesus Christ then they are like a thief that comes to steal, kill, and destroy.
They are stealing the truth of who Jesus is; they are destroying any opportunity they have in knowing the Father which ultimately kills them.
Only coming to the Father through Jesus Christ allows for us to live life, and to have it more abundantly.
With this being just one scripture that I have so misquoted over the years and have never taken the time to really examine it makes me wonder how many other scriptures I have quoted wrongfully out of the true contexts. Please study your Word to show thyself approved unto God.
On this day 14 years ago I gave birth to one of the most beautiful little girls I have ever laid eyes on, Stormy. She is my pride and joy and has been such a blessing to me. She is a pleasure to be around and makes me proud to see her servant heart that she has. She volunteers with the children’s church as much as I will let her. She loves visiting elderly men and women when she gets the chance. She helps when asked and even when not asked she is quick to offer her assistance. She longs to help those in need. She is such a blessing to me over the years. I thank God that He in trusted me with the task of training her up in the way that she should go. She is going to be a mighty warrior for the Kingdom of God and I am excited to see what God calls her to be. At this time she has her heart set on becoming a nurse which makes me super proud that she once again is serving others in her talents and gifts. She has helped over the years from the time she was born with meals on wheels, children in the church, VBS, taking elderly men and women bread and visiting them at the nursing homes. She has helped with food pantries and gone on mission trips to help others. She has passed out bottles of water and offered prayers to those needing it. She has helped serve food and prepare food for the homeless shelters. For one of her classes at school this year in the 8th grade she is helping the teacher in the special needs classroom. She longs to do so much more. She has just also been asked to help as a Junior staff at the Boys and Girls club. Again I am super proud of her and words can’t describe my happiness inside for this child makes me Blessed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY STORMY MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE!!!
As I had a super busy day planned out today the Holy Spirit actually began to change it. I was going to get up, go get a check that I been expecting for a while now, head to Corsicana and cash it. I had a few bills to deal with. I for some reason was detoured on that this morning. Instead I was woken up this morning with my oldest daughter banging around in the bathroom and her room getting ready for the weekend. I then was woken up more with my husband turning on the bedroom light as he began to get ready for work at 7am. Just to look at his phone and be informed to wait till 9am to come into work. I decided since I was already woken up that I would go ahead and get ready for my day. We were all ready to leave around 7am. I left kissing my husband good bye for the day. I took the girls to school and then decided to call my husband and ask him to join me at Starbucks for a coffee date.
My husband and I get time together all the time without our kids for we are blessed to have my parents that spend a lot of time with them. Sometimes though we don’t get time to spend where we focus on us. This morning when I called Dan and told him to meet me at Starbucks it was good for us.
The Holy Spirit allowed that time to renew our hearts and minds on a few things. When I got ready to leave Starbucks I was going to head into my day as planned by me. But again, the Holy Spirit had other plans. I decided to head home and was actually going to lay back down and try to sleep, which is not hard for me. As I began to think I knew that my phone was in my backpack and I would need to get it because if my loving husband called or texted me and I didn’t reply then he would worry enough to actually leave work to come home and check on me. So I walked back down my stairs. (In our house we have an upstairs. We have learned to do whatever we need to in order not to go up and down the stairs over and over again.) Well when I got home I decided to check fb on my phone then I began to think of different things I needed to do throughout the next few weeks to prepare for some ministry stuff.
As I sat here I felt like I really needed to listen to some worship music. You see I have been neglecting time with Daddy. I even went as far as making a calendar and scheduling a set time for spending time with Daddy. Yes we as Children of God don’t always do what we were called or created to do. I was created to have a personal and close relationship with my Daddy. I have neglected spending time with Him. I seem to find other things to do like FB, or sleeping or just anything and everything to fill me time.
I surrender it all to Him today. I ask for forgiveness for not spending time with Him.
I turned me worship music on and when I got before Daddy this morning He began to speak to me through His word and really it has just wreaked me this morning.
I read my emails thing morning and one of them is a daily devotion form Joseph Prince. I will tell more about it in a minute.
I actually got off my couch and sat on the floor, got my bible, my notebook, pens, and music all out. As I sat here listening to my music I began to have things of the ministry needing addressed so I dealt with that.
Then I began to write in my notebook. When I talk to Daddy I usually write it down. I began asking Daddy questions. Like,
Where do we begin? Are we doing what we been called to do? Why do I feel like I am in a stand still?
As the last month since I quit my job has gone by I have learned that I can’t change things but I can change the way I deal with life.
When my husband’s job says they are going to cut hours at his job, and then they make him come in 2 hours later instead of regular time more than one day in the week. Mind you he is the only one working in our family.
I could get upset, hound my husband that he has to work as much as possible, and just constantly worry how we are going to do this.
I can thank Daddy for giving him the ability to make wealth to provide for our family. Then I can thank Daddy for providing the rest of the means that we need. This way I am walking in the Joy of the Lord and not worrying but learning to Trust Him to provide as He says He will.
This is where I began to hear to Lord speak to me while ago, as I began to write in my notebook. God began to speak to me. He told me to go back and look at what Joseph Prince posted again today.
31 “Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
As I turned to the scripture and began to read over this, He reminded me that I am not created to worry about these things but to seek Him first. I began to read the next verse that is so well known but very few live by it.
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
I am to seek my Daddy first in everything and His righteousness. I am not to worry about the stuff this world makes priority in our lives over having a relationship with Daddy. We were not created for self-righteousness but for Daddy’s pleasure of having a right relationship with Him day after day.
I began to read all of Matt 6
Wow, is all I can say. Daddy is showing me answers to my questions in a way I would have never imagined. I am to seek Him first… not worrying about the food, clothes, shelter, and other earthly needs but to worry about what He wants first.
Daddy forgives me for neglecting to Seek You First and to Study Your Word. Lord thank you for giving me the Holy Spirit to teach me all things and to being faithful no matter what I as a child do. Lord Help me seek you daily and keep my mind set on You in everything I do.
I know this is a long blog but it is my heart and what I felt the Lord speaking to me this morning. I am ready to stop being luke warm and instead being a raging fire so hot that the Holy Spirit begins to just catch others around me on fire. Be Blessed Love you Guys and Gals. Jesus Loves You and He is Always Willing to Forgive and Allow you to Start again. 🙂